We carry whole worlds within our hearts. Stories, mysteries and love songs in every beat. Our hearts are so much bigger, so much more than we choose to see. Something so vast and magickal cannot be broken. No matter how shattered and lost you may feel, it is not broken – you are not broken.
Every wave of emotion – joy, sorrow, elation, pain – each is a different song the universe sings inside us. When those feelings are strongest, sharpest, is when the melody matches our frequency so purely that the sensations are amplified – the universe is aiding us, helping us to feel what we need to feel as intensely as possible so that it can begin to heal most authentically.
Standing in my small hall as you stood at the head of the stairwell, staring into each other’s eyes through tears of pain, sorrow, and bittersweet relief, I thought you were still, without any hesitation, the most beautiful creature I had ever been blessed to share such closeness with. In the background Otep’s haunting voice sang, “You’ve become a woman now,” and I believed my heart was breaking.
Was it all for nothing? Have we tried too hard for too long to want things we never really wanted? What is love if not the moments we shared in laughter and passion?
But love is letting go. And we’ve both always known that.
How do I live without you? What is life but being near you? Who am I without you by my side?
And suddenly . . . I can breathe. Gently, slowly.
Who am I?
“A sparkle of flame flickers in her eye,” she sings.
I feel a calm, like the gentle waves of a lake as they patiently slide over the shore. It’s eerie but lovely. What is this? It feels right.
You come to me and wrap me in your arms, my tears soaking your chest as I find my breath. And in this moment, we both know something is ending, but something new is beginning. This is our new dawn. We can breathe again.
Thank you, for holding me through this transition. For not hating who I’ve become in my habits based in trauma. Thank you, for loving me right to this last moment of ours, this final embrace.
“You’ve become a woman now.”
I love you, and I always will.
But I’ve missed me. And I need me.
Blessings and Love,
Oh so much Love,